As my friend, Bob Dylan, says....

A hard rain's a gonna fall.......

What a week.  My third chemo treatment seemed to really take it out of me.  I don't know if it is a cumulative effect that is catching up with me or if my body is just tiring but none-the-less I am half way through my chemo treatments.  The next three treatments will be one drug only rather than the three I have been getting.  Don't know if that is a good thing or bad.  Will have to wait and see.  My oncologist did mention that this one drug is known to cause allergic reactions so they will administer the first one very slowly and monitor me.  Next treatment is Aug 29.

Besides my chemo, it has been a very emotion filled week thus my weepiness I suppose.   A good friend of mine died after battling with ALS for 6 years.  I know people often talk about how "special" people handled a particular illness after they die but she was truly incredble.  She was an amazing person before her diagnosis - soft spoken, funny, VERY laid back. She kept her grace and dignity throughout the six years.  If I heard one person say how amazing she handled it, I heard a hundred.  We were in awe.  Horrific disease that no one should have to endure.  Mark and I went to her service on Saturday.  It was a beautiful day after all this blasted heat we have been having.  I heard some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard at a funeral service.  I truly believe that she was one of those angels walking among us.  God rest her soul.

This past week also brought news about my nephew Jake.  His 6 month MRI came back clear which is great news.  The miracle continues.  However, the doctors are insisting that he now go through a very long, delicate, serious surgery to repair his esophagus.  This little guy has been through so much that it breaks our hearts to think he must endure more.  But the doctors are all impressed at how far he has come in the last year and the surgery is necessary so we must move forward.  (read my sister's beautiful words on caring bridge for details.....)

So I guess considering this week, it is no surprise that I found myself sobbing in my bed a couple of nights uncontrollably.  It was the the kind of cry you just can't stop.  The kind of cry that is raw and full of pain but is cleansing and healing once it is over.  At first I tried to stop but then I realized it is simply part of the journey. 

I realize now that I was crying for more than myself and the long road of treatment I have ahead.  I was crying for the loss of my friend and her family that now must learn to live without her; I was crying for my sister and brother-in-law as they prepare to surrender their child once again to the doctors and their expertise; I was crying for all the changes that have happened.  But a hard rain has fallen and a good rain cleanses everything and sometimes provides a rainbow..........

As I wondered what quote I was going to end my blog with, my friend, Karen, who makes me these beautiful cards filled with inspirational quotes sent me another.  It is no coincidence that once again the quote she selected said it all for me after this past week.....Please keep our jake in your prayers (and throw me in there, too!)

"Courage doesn't always roar. 
Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says,
"I'll try again tomorrow!" ...........Mary Anne Rasmacher